Obviously, from what has been said, some sexual problems need expert handling just like any other medical or emotional problem but self-help is the obvious place to start. Discussing the subject can help and a good book can give one or both of the partners insight into their problem. At this stage the couple can often get real benefits from returning to courtship, taking the pressure off sexual performance, and favouring the non-physical side of their relationship.
If help is needed there are three main sources. Relatively untrained and well-meaning counsellors, professional or not, can help with superficial sexual problems and indeed many people find a satisfactory result in the hands of such counsellors. However, the majority of sexual problems receive only superficial first-aid when treated like this, and such ‘cures’ may last for only a short time. The two provably useful approaches to sexual problems that now have a track record worthy of the name are psychosexual therapy and sex therapy. Both need to be practised by fully trained professionals if they are to be effective, mainly because untrained people dabbling in these areas of people’s lives can do damage — often without realising it. Those who think the answers to all sex problems are easy and quick to find simply do not understand the problems.
Both forms of therapy involve the person making changes to the way he or she behaves or thinks and this is never easy, even for a motivated and intelligent person, partly because of the complexity of the problem and because the partner is necessarily involved. This does not mean that the partner has to be involved in the actual treatment but that his or her reaction to the problem will undoubtedly affect the situation and the results of the therapy.
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